Life with Kyle -

Mysterious Insecure Unpredictable

2011-12-12T21:16:00.002-05:00

Parenting is challenging. Just when you think that you've got a handle on things, life comes at you sideways in ways that you never could have predicted. This happened to Kyle on Friday. He fell and lacerated his liver. Not a huge fall, but apparently it was the "perfect fall" and the only way that he would have hurt himself.

E.R. visit, followed by admission to unit. CT Scan revealed a mass that may, or may not have, been there prior to his fall. So we wait....We'll know for sure in about 30 days. That is a long wait...

The hardest part for Laura and I was acting for Kyle like everything was ok. I am not much of an actor

Out of the mouths of young children

2011-11-09T21:01:00.002-05:00

Laura and I were asking Kyle about various Doctor tools that he could use: Stethoscope, rubber hammer, etc. Kyle said that he was not sure, but that he could look it up online... Where has my little baby gone...?

Role reversal

2011-10-08T18:40:00.002-04:00

I must have had a worried look on my face as Kyle was about to jump off the last two steps on the stairs. He looked at me and said, "Don't worry daddy..."

Kyle's vocabulary is jumping by leaps and bounds. Knows his colors and can count from 1 to 17. I don't think that he connects numbers with actual quantities yet. But the day is young...

Each morning is "New Day" complete with smile. Of course within moments Kyle's usually screaming about something, but oh, those few seconds...Sweet.

Interesting balancing act in progress - Kyle mostly prefers mom's company now. I get asked to move aside (at least Kyle's polite about it most of the time).

Before I forget...

2011-09-27T12:30:00.002-04:00

Latest Kyle moves:

Laura and Kyle were singing a Subaru song that they just made up: "Drive a Subaru...Drive a Subaru..." Kyle chimes in, "Not a Honda..."

I was dropping Kyle off at Preschool and he announced to a group of children that I was his daddy and that my name is Peter. A teacher over-heard and asked Kyle whether he had a mommy? "Yes" he said, "her name is honey..."

He is the crucible by which I am going to learn a lot (hopefully) about patience, boundaries, love...

Chilling with the Cat

2011-08-03T15:32:00.002-04:00

We were up in Maine, visiting with my sister and her friend, Susie. It was the first time in over two years that Laura and I got to eat Breakfast by ourselves at a restaurant. First time in two years that we weren't looking around every 5 seconds for the busy wonder...You get the point...

Every night Kyle insisted on sleeping in the Big Beg with Auntie M. In the afternoons, he would often nap there. So I happened by and saw Kyle sleeping with Susie's cat (named "Cat").

Milestone

2011-08-03T15:26:00.003-04:00

"Kyle do it!" is the phrase of the year. Be it cutting up his french toast or peddling himself on a tricycle.

Bedtime sing-along

2011-07-31T07:40:00.003-04:00

Laura and I sing our song to Kyle every night. Seriously, from day 1 to now... "We love you Kyle, oh yes we do. We love you Kyle, so don't be blue. Go to sleep now, and say no more. In the morning, we'll see you soon..." So last night, halfway through it, Kyle joined in on the song. Sweetness...

Ok, this is interesting...

2011-06-28T21:47:00.003-04:00

So Kyle and Archie are pals...This is not big news...Got it. Sweet, even...What I did not realize until recently, however, is that the influence goes both ways.

Kyle has taken to walking around the yard with a stick in his mouth (sound familiar?). He picks them up off the ground with his teeth... Try to take a stick from his mouth and he, well, growls...

If he'd go potty outside in the woods, that would be ideal - but we'll take what we can get for now.

Like father like son...

2011-06-01T09:25:00.002-04:00

Kyle and I were at the park by the police station. At one point a cruiser drove by and Kyle said, "oh no..." But that is not the reason that he is like me...

Actually, Kyle was playing in the sandbox that is typically filled with lots of toy trucks. He found a tennis ball and looked at me and said, "Archie ball." Reminds me of my dad who used to 'borrow' things and pass them off to his family and friends.

Too heavy...

2011-05-31T10:11:00.003-04:00

Today as we were leaving for school, I asked Kyle if he could carry his lunch bag. He replied, "Too Heavy!" Ok, no sweat....How about carrying your Napsack, Kyle said, "Too heavy!" I then asked if he could carry himself and he smiled, "No, too heavy!"

Not shabby sweetheart...

A little bigger now...

2011-05-25T10:19:00.004-04:00

Here's Kyle and his pal, Archie, exploring Suzie's woods. Kyle's got his handy spray bottle - he uses it quite liberally on trees, rocks, plants, and even puddles. Archie dutifully walks alongside Kyle and, every now and then, gets a splash of water.

Archie has the patience of a Saint, though is still quite the puppy and takes about 15 minutes to calm down after we get there.

Snackin with Grammy

2011-05-21T17:19:00.003-04:00

Kyle and grammy often sit together in the sun room and share snacks. Actually, Kyle eats the snack and grammy watches him. Kyle is not into sharing much of anything, especially when it comes to food. Unless he doesn't like the dish, then he's all about getting you to finish it for him.

His favorite? Bread and jam - now he likes maple syrup added in for aesthetics (that is a rationalization for loving sugar...). That reminds me, gotta make his first dental appointment.

Strummin fellow...

2011-05-21T17:05:00.004-04:00

Kyle loves to play guitar, especially when I am playing mine...I have yet to recognize anything that he has composed, but it's a combination of drumming, hammering, and nails on a chalkboard.

He is perfecting that Pete Townsend move at the end of Who shows where he smashed his guitar. I'm working hard at replacing the smash move with quietly replacing the guitar on the stand. So far not much success, but the guitar is still in one (fragile) piece...

Construction Guy

2011-05-21T16:44:00.007-04:00

If there is one thing that defines Kyle's life thus far, it might be a love of building sites, t.v., and water spray bottles. So when the town came by to dig a hole in the road (for some reason), Kyle was right there - along with his neighbor pal and chief chore assigner, Suzie.

Kyle had several constructive suggestions for the team - like "Oh wow!" and "Too Loud!" As the diggers packed up and left, Kyle offered his trademark summation, "All done..."

New Word Combos...

2011-05-21T08:05:00.002-04:00

Kyle told me yesterday that he had a poo-poo/poddie. I asked, "A big poo-poo/poddie?" He smiled and said, "No, not a big poo-poo, a John Deere poo-poo." It's been a day and I'm still cleaning him up...Not bad sweetie.

First Day of Pre-School

2011-05-10T15:14:00.004-04:00

Time honored ritual of the first day of school...Kyle, of course, did fine...Nary a tear, unlike mom and dad. We got there...He waved bye, and jumped headlong into the toys.......Picked him up later...He cried, didn't want to leave...Ok, I am glad that we are raising an autonomous child...Still, maybe a little hesitation would have felt nice (once again, the reminders - it's not about me!).

Next day, lulled into a false sense of security that we got this school-thing handled, I drive him to school...Halfway there I announce, "school time" and Kyle responds...."no school..." I think nothing of it until I turn into the parking lot...Then Kyle makes his feelings more known..."NO SCHOOL!"

Ok....now what?...Check the parent-manual of Now-what?.......I walk him inside...We stroll to into his classroom...He marches over to a red plastic phone off in the corner of the classroom, picks up the receiver, and says softly, "mommy, peaze (alias for 'please'), Kyle come home...."

Gym guy

2011-04-28T10:19:00.003-04:00

Kyle has been attending a local kids gym during the winter months. He has a big crush on one of the staff (Amy) and follows her around like a puppy. When she's busy in her office, he often sits by her door and waits for a glimpse...

All in all, the gym has been good for Kyle, but he seems to be outgrowing the spins and twirls - over the last few weeks we've spent just minutes in the gym and then relocated to the car so that Kyle can press buttons for an hour. Priorities...

Easter Service Shake

2011-04-24T17:30:00.004-04:00

We were on our way to church this a.m. Kyle was looking rather dapper - it was Easter service after all - and in a great mood - lots of giggles, Oh baby, and Wows!

We were running a bit late (as usual) so I gave Kyle his Berry Shake to finish on the road. About half-way there, he started laughing a bit louder than usual so I turned my head to see what was going on....

Never thought that wearing a shake could be so much fun... Turned around at the next intersection and headed home for a bath and a change of clothes. A good day had by all, especially Kyle...

Every day is my Birthday!

2011-04-16T20:54:00.004-04:00

Kyle has decided that every day should be his birthday. Not that he necessarily wants gifts every time he sings Happy Birthday to himself, he just seems to enjoy celebrating.

Hope that he never loses his unbridled joy and passion for life. I've never known anybody who enjoys making a mess more than Kyle does.

Happy Birthday Kyle

2011-04-09T07:01:00.004-04:00

Kyle had a cool 2nd Birthday party - complete with his own cake from the dairy, nut, egg, whatever else-free bakery.

We followed a John Deere theme - even his cake had a John Deere tractor on top. Made me feel like planting something, anything.

Some John Deere books and sweatshirts.

I had a dream...

2011-04-09T06:54:00.004-04:00

A typical morning conversation: So Kyle, what did you dream about last night? "Airplanes..."

Whenever a plane flies overhead, Kyle stops what he's doing, points to the sky, and says something about it...

He's been working hard on his ABCs123....Most of the letters come out in the right order - when he recites numbers it's an act of individualism and structured chaos.

Moving right along...Progress, not perfection.

Architect in spirit

2011-02-26T16:52:00.004-05:00

Kyle seems to enjoy stacking things...although he enjoys knocking them down even more. Here's his latest rendition of a skyscraper - better beautiful than straight (from the Thai book on buildings and construction).

Moreover, there seems to be a growing positive relationship between his 'Yes/No' and a reasonable response.

Why there are Firetrucks...

2011-02-20T20:06:00.003-05:00

You'd think that the answer is obvious - firetrucks and their crews put out fires, rescue cats, and save lives...Yes, of course. All true. But the more important reason that firetrucks exist is so that Kyle can get worked up beyond measure whenever he sees one.

We went to a local station for a tour. Kyle got to sit in a fire truck - actually 3 of them. This was the only photo where you could actually recognize the little guy because he had stopped vibrating to the point of being blurry.

Ageless Tradition

2011-02-20T19:34:00.007-05:00

And then there is potty training. Some of us struggled hard to use the potty when we were little. Some mastered it instantly. Freud wrote volumes on the subject of toilet training and how the experience could leave lasting impressions on us for years. It's quite the concern for some parents.

Kyle often sits on the potty and seems to take it in stride - in his own way. Not sure what he thought of the experience, but he giggled occasionally, then made a sound which suggested that he was either working hard to make something happen, or perhaps, he was just frustrated. All in all, everything seemed to work its way out without a problem.

Not too shabby sweetheart...

Mom's B Day

2011-02-12T22:25:00.002-05:00

Today is Laura's birthday. Thanks to two friends, Stacey and Kevin, who took care of Kyle for a few hours, Laura and I had our first date in many months. Felt nice to be out and about, without much worry.

So much of our lives are spent in Kyle-ville, that when we're alone, it's hard to remember much of life pre-Kyle. So, we sit quietly...That's enough.

Jackie and Kyle - Singing in the Kitchen.

2011-02-10T19:32:00.003-05:00

Here's Jackie...she's Kyle's nanny. Jackie is a wonderful soul who occasionally sings to Kyle to coax him to eat. Not every time mind you, just when Kyle wants to hear Jackie sing - or maybe when Jackie wants to sing to Kyle. Who knows? Who has trained who? Mutual...

Reflecting

2011-01-15T15:15:00.003-05:00

What I have learned today (again) is that even committed dads and moms need breaks from time to time. So...I am coming to you from a local library.

Kyle's recent exploits:

Yesterday morning, around 6, Kyle and Laura were downstairs in the kitchen. Kyle was pestering Laura Laura for a cookie. Laura kept repeating 'no' - good thing as it was early in the morning (we want to cut down on Kyle's sugar until at least 7:00). Laura - good mom.

Anyway, I come downstairs, seeking caffeine...Kyle looks to see what Laura is doing...Laura is at the sink and has her back to both of us. Kyle looks at me, points to the bag of cookies, and 'mouths' the word "Cookie" without making a sound. You gotta love the initiative...Did I fall for it? I plead the 5th - they weren't big cookies.

Manipulator? Splitting? Certainly...I just think that it's more about Kyle getting his needs met in any way possible. Nice re-frame: he just owns me.

Oh Baby...

2010-12-31T21:19:00.006-05:00

Laura and I were going through photos tonight...I would say "old photos" but, given that Kyle's only 21 months old, that seems a bit prematurely nostalgic. Still, it is amazing how many changes have unfolded in such a short time.

Some of Kyle's favorite expressions: Oh Baby, John Deer, Cookie, All Done. Bikou means both water and pretzel.

Kyle has found his "No" and doesn't mind sharing it with anyone who's trying to get him to do something he's not ready for - like changing clothes, finishing dinner, putting down the hammer...

He understands practically everything. What a life changer!

Anniversary

2010-11-15T13:46:00.003-05:00

My parents died 10 years apart on the same day - November 12. This year, the anniversary is particularly challenging because as Kyle gets older I would have loved for my folks to know him. I believe that my father would have especially enjoyed spending time with the little fellow. Dad had so many stories about life and his perspective was usually pretty entertaining, if not downright amusing. Interestingly, mom rarely comes to mind these days - maybe because she's been dead for over half of my life.

Maybe this is one of the reasons that I have been so drawn to elder figures like my Aunt Ruth, and my neighbors Bobba, and Suzie. To me they embody the essence of ideal grandparents - attentive, patient, and interested...

I wonder in what ways you'll remember the stories about my parents.

Kyle's best friend

2010-10-31T18:10:00.003-04:00

Have I told you about Archie?

Technically, Archie belongs to our neighbors, Suzie and Marcia. But besides that formality, Archie and Kyle are practically inseparable. Kyle and I do a daily visit to our friends, and Kyle does his routine inspection of the property with the help of Archie. If Kyle plays with it, so does Archie...If Archie tries to eat it, so does Kyle... You get the idea.

First complete sentence...

2010-10-30T12:47:00.005-04:00

We were feeding Kyle some applesauce. He apparently had enough and said, rather clearly, "All done..." How cool is that! Later we were walking outside, I pointed to a tree and asked what it was...He smiled and said, "all done..." Ok, nobody's perfect...But I'll think of the glass as mostly full.

The past three times we've all gone to Sunday services, Kyle was extremely resistant to spending time in the Nursery with the other kids and without us. Seems he just wants to hang out with mom and dad. Part of me loves this...Another part of me that knows this is not about me; Kyle could really use some more socialization. Everything in time....

Before I know it, Kyle won't want to spend much time with us at all. Carpe Diem...

Not the youngest fan...but close.

2010-09-05T20:51:00.004-04:00

Today we went to see McLovins in concert. The talent is there, the support is there, now they just need that magical break and they'll be off n' running for the sky. Jake continues to be as cool as ever - rock-star or no star, he's sweetness personified. Good role model for the little guy.

Plus, Kyle got his own private show, quite cool...

Matriarch

2010-08-15T20:40:00.006-04:00

This is Aunt Ruth - I just call her Ruthie. She is not really my aunt, but some kind of 4th cousin twice removed from my father's side. I love her dearly - Ruthie has been my grand mother-mentor-guide for quite some time and has dispensed ageless and priceless wisdom. She has a more useful IQ than pretty much anyone I've ever known.

I was thinking about the fact that she is the last and final voice of my elders on my dad's side of the family. There is simply no one left on that side of the family who is "keeper of the stories." I ask Ruthie frequently about our family and she tells me what she remembers. I sense that she, too, knows that the trail ends with her. She recently sent me a letter with some information that she does not want to see lost with time.

She has spoken to me frequently about wanting to meet Kyle. I figured that after 8 children, 27 grandchildren, and a few great grandchildren, she'd have had enough of the little ones...Not so, apparently, and that makes me so happy. Believe me, it ain't the ocean view which gets me to drive 7 hours to her porch...

Time flies

2010-07-31T21:51:00.003-04:00

It's the final day of July, 2010. Kyle is doing well, save the diaper rash and the fact that he is allergic to half the planet. Another Epi Pen - ambulance ride a while ago...Yuk.

Laura had about 9 months head start to develop a relationship with Kyle - I have had about 16 months. Laura's relationnship with Kyle will never be identical to my relationship with the little fella. Still, I am falling more in love with him every day...

Wrapped around his finger...Definitely. Would want it no other way...

Boundaries and Balance...

2010-06-14T19:35:00.005-04:00

Kyle is almost 15 months old! We'll get back to time flying later on; now I want to focus on a perplexing question. When I put Kyle down for the night, sometimes he goes down smoothly, nary a fuss or peep. Other times, however, he wails for a while. When to go in and soothe? When to let him sort it out (develop some self-soothing skills)? Wonderful questions...

A big part of me just wants to cuddle and to show him that everything is safe...Certainly, there is some self-healing moves going on here. Tonight, Laura and I decided to let him sort it out on his own. He initially went down fine, then about 20 minutes later, started crying hard. A few times I was on my way to him, then he stopped. It's been about 5 minutes and he's quiet again...We'll see.

A former mentor reminded me of Skinner's Operant Conditioning - going to Kyle when he is crying reinforces crying behaviour. Yes, that is certainly true. Nonetheless, I am also teaching Kyle that when he is upset and scared, someone will be there for him. Not a bad lesson either...

Maybe it comes down to choosing your challenges...Over the course of my lifetime, I will mess up in as many loving ways as you could possibly imagine. Still, my heart is in the right place, so if reinforcing some crying is the price for a baby who knows that he is loved and won't always be left alone when he's upset, so be it...

New First...

2010-05-31T21:18:00.003-04:00

Today, as usual, I went in to get Kyle in the morning to get him up for the day. After opening the door to his room, Kyle looked at me and said, "Da Da." Music to my ears. Touched me deeply.

Those are the words that I have been waiting to hear for quite some time now. Up until today, the only word that Kyle would say has been "Ma Ma." Fine, it gave me a chance to nurture my maternal side... But this was amazing.

Got to thinking about my dad. He wanted nothing more than for me to become a parent. I hope that you are happy with how things have turne out.

Rough day...

2010-04-26T20:43:00.003-04:00

Today Kyle ate some mashed potatoes. The problem is that they contained some milk (dairy). Kyle started having a reaction. First, some hives on his face and then he started scratching...I was not home - Laura called and, while not wanting to over-react, she also knew that something was quite amiss.

I suggested (nice way of putting it) that she take him right to our family doctor. After hanging up, she called the doc's office who, in turn, instructed her to call 911 ("Do not bring him here!"). Right when she hung up from the doctor's office, Kyle's nanny, Ashley, showed up. She took one look at Kyle and said call 911. Together, they first administered an Epi-pen injection of Epinephrine. Life saver...Kyle had turned yellow, his lips blue...

The ambulance arrived. By this time, Kyle was alert and giggling. The pen was working. Still, they only had about 20 minutes before the medicine wore off and then, who knows? Still, no immediate danger...But they needed to get him to the hospital to be checked out. By this time I was only a few minutes away. Laura asked whether it would be ok to wait for me. Apparently, given his stable (temporary) condition, they waited, engine running...

I arrived at home. Kyle was being held by Laura outside the ambulance while EMTs were setting up the gurney...I got to hold Kyle for a moment. How do you tell a 13 month old baby in 5 seconds that you love him with all your heart? I don't know, but I tried.

An EMT took Kyle from me and they strapped him to the gurney. Laura went with Kyle, Ashley and I drove my car so that we could all drive home later. No red lights flashing, no sirens wailing. Comforting...Still, they drove quickly.

When we got to the hospital, the staff hooked Kyle up to many monitors and ran several lines (just to be ready...). We had the E.R. chief taking care of Kyle...Her calm demeanor was reassuring. They decided to keep Kyle for a few hours, just to be safe and monitor any changes. The rules of visitation at CMC (Children's Medical Center) is that only 2 adults are allowed in the room at a time. In pairs, we took turns being with Kyle. When another friend, Stacey, showed up, visitation became even more interesting. Still, we all to got to be with Kyle and then take a break to decompress.

About 3 hours later, we were discharged...

Ma Ma...

2010-04-08T14:44:00.003-04:00

Bright and early on Easter morning, I carried Kyle into our bedroom. In and of itself, this is fairly routine and nothing special. Except this day, Kyle looked at Laura in bed and said, "Ma Ma." Tears all around (Laura is still crying...). Ok, well Kyle calls me Ma Ma too, and that is fine. Someday he'll sort out this one...For now, enjoying the changes...Only change is permanent.

Where did the year go?

2010-03-19T19:12:00.003-04:00

A year ago today at 4:40 p.m. you joined us (on the outside). Laura and I used to talk at length about how soon this day would be here. What a year it has been. We're learning to speak together more and more (we use a lot of symbols and gestures). I think that you understand a lot of what we are saying, but you just can't say it back to us yet. Soon enough...No rush...

Suffice it to say that we're doing really well. Kyle has gone through a lot for his one time around the wheel. But he sleeps at night, so what's not to like? Gratitude abounds...

Twists and Turns

2010-02-28T20:26:00.002-05:00

Kyle is speaking to us - not in the way that you might imagine. But, rather, creatively in his own style of babbles, drools, and far-away sounds. Here's the scary part - we understand most of what he's trying to tell us.

Kyle is crawling like a trooper too. He holds himself up, tentatively, from various rails and chairs. He's a mover - and scaring us to death in the process. Someday I'll appreciate the fun that it is, now it just scares me that he moves so quickly...

Kyle and snow

2010-01-28T20:05:00.003-05:00

Kyle, Laura, and I took a walk in the snow - Kyle kept trying to grab the branches and screeched every couple of minutes. I suppose snow does that to some people... Still, quite a nice time

Friend visits

2010-01-28T19:54:00.002-05:00

Fred is a dear friend who came by for lunch recently - his first visit to the hacienda. I've know Fred for years and, in many ways, he's been my voice of reason when I could not find my own. Much gratitude.

First Holidays...

2009-12-13T20:50:00.002-05:00

Today we took our first family Holiday pic - even made a card out of it to send out. It took a few attempts (conservative estimate). I am noticing how much more the Holidays are touching me this year. We're not doing many gifts - although I am sure that Kyle will get a few (dozen).

People have been telling us that next year will be more challenging as Kyle will probably try to pull down the tree. I don't know about that...All that I know is that this year is Kyle's year. We got the greatest gift of all this year and he's sound asleep in his room as I stumble through these words.

First Crawls

2009-12-06T08:50:00.002-05:00

We were sitting with Kyle in his bedroom, doing tummy-time. All of a sudden, Kyle scrunched up onto his knees and lunged forward. Wow! We figure that before the end of the year, Kyle will be crawling freely. Then, before we know it, Kyle will be running through the woods...

We need to get this place baby-safe, sooner than later...

Musician in the Making

2009-11-29T09:44:00.003-05:00

Kyle had his first drumming lesson with Jake Huffman of the McLovins. Jake is a sweet guy whose sudden leap into the spotlight hasn't gone to his head. We'll be looking for him soon on the Letterman show.

I think that Kyle would have been just as happy to eat Jake's drumsticks as he was to bang on his drums. Also, I would have predicted that sudden banging sounds would have startled the little guy but Kyle got into it big-time...Let's hope that Kyle won't be banging things for a while...

First Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T17:41:00.004-05:00

Today we celebrated our first Thanksgiving as a family. All that work and we are done eating in about 20 minutes. Winnie made an apple pie - that lady knows her crust. Laura made a pumpkin pie - her first effort in the pumpkin realm. Good eats...Oh yeah, we had turkey too.

Kyle is rather insistent on having attention - he doesn't like to be left alone for too long and makes this crystal clear to us - actually anybody within hearing radius.

Curious fellow...

2009-11-14T20:57:00.003-05:00

If it moves, Kyle wants to taste it. Even if it doesn't move, he still probably wants it. He is so curious about every little thing. You can think what you want to about Freud, but he was onto something with his references to the Oral stage.

Interestingly, this curiosity shows up the most when Laura and Kyle are together. Laura and Kyle have this symbiotic relationship - nothing is getting in between them - not even me. Most of the time I am fine with it - when I can muster enough adult to understand it.

Once he starts talking (with recognizable words), we'll have to talk about this connection.

Book lover...

2009-11-04T20:21:00.003-05:00

Kyle enjoys when we read to him. Actually, I think that he mostly loves the prospect of eating the books that we put in front of him. That's cool... I hope that Kyle eventually loves reading more than watching t.v.

First Halloween

2009-11-01T21:24:00.002-05:00

Laura, Kyle and I participated in a neighborhood ritual this weekend - the Halloween Parade. About sixty kids and their parents gather at this house once a year to have a huge photo-op and then we do a walk (en-masse) around the neighborhood. Along the way, folks stand on the curb and cheer us on...What a hoot!

Sitting Up...

2009-10-17T07:57:00.002-04:00

Kyle is doing really well - his skin is looking good with just some occasiona flare-ups. His tummy is mostly good with just a few spit ups after eating. We checked with our pediatrician and she reassured us that he does not have acid reflux. He does not seem to like avacado but we're going to keep offering it to him because, apparently, it is so darn good for him. He had us up this morning at about 3:00 - teething...? He just seemed 'off' this morning...Your normal kid...

The only hassle Kyle is going through at this point is that he can't sit up on his own. We met with our Chiropractic physician and she confirmed that Kyle is not as developed in his sitting skill as she would expect at his age. So, with a few adjustments and some physical therapy exercises, we were sent on our way. We are hoping that he'll sort this one out when he's ready to do so... Always something...

Tradition at Cotton Hollow

2009-10-04T20:05:00.003-04:00

We went for a hike today at Cotton Hollow - no matter how hard we try to get here when the foliage peaks, we always seem to get here late. Still, it's a great place to stroll...

The last time we were here, Laura was pregnant and had an awful head cold. She couldn't even do Nyquil at the time - poor thing...

Cool for Kyle to see the woods and the falls from the other side of Laura's belly. Among potential rituals, I think that spending time in these woods (esp. during the fall) feels right.

Eggs and Toast

2009-10-04T14:43:00.005-04:00

Since Laura has stopped breast feeding, we decided to celebrate with a breakfast at our old stomping ground - "Quaker Diner." We hadn't been there since Kyle was born.

Interestingly, when we first learned that Laura was pregnant, we looked at each other and didn't know what to do, so we went to Quaker for breakfast. Laura was so cautious about her diet, she didn't even have coffee that day (what a Headache!).

Anyway, today Laura had eggs, turkey sausage, and toast for the first time in 6 months! Usually, I can manage to steal some toast or something from her plate - not this time...

Happy kid....

2009-10-02T14:59:00.004-04:00

When looking at this picture, I am reminded about what happiness looks like through the eyes of a child. Total excitement, no words, just lots of laugh-filled-screams! Five minutes later he was probably crying his eyes out for something - the nature of change. But we'll take these moments when we can get them...

Much gratitude for the friends and family who have visited us and helped out...It certainly does take a village...

1st Babysitter

2009-10-01T12:42:00.005-04:00

Laura and I have begun that time-honored tradition of the baby sitter. It was not easy for us to trust someone else to care for Kyle, but we were also at wit's end and really needed the help. Ashley is amazing and has developed an awesome connection with Kyle.

When Ashley comes over, Kyle shows no signs of 'stranger wariness' - he doesn't check with Laura or me for a reaction. He just smiles at her and giggles... Lucky us...

Pump no more...

2009-10-01T12:37:00.002-04:00

Big milestone yesterday! Laura has decided to no longer pump breast milk - and has chosen to let nature run its proverbial course and transition Kyle to more solid foods mixed with formula. Makes sense - Laura has been producing very little breast milk lately and Kyle is hungrier than I have known him to be before. Ok, cool...life is moving along....

Half way to a year

2009-09-16T19:43:00.002-04:00

Kyle is almost 6 months old. So far it has been a remarkable journey. His eczema is clearing up nicely and, with the exception of some teething, his mood has been easy to live with. Laura and I check up on him at night when he starts coughing (it's apparently a teething thing).

Laura's milk supply is dwindling so it seems like Kyle will soon be moving on to more solid foods. So far Kyle has enjoyed Rice cereal, but we'll soon be adding some some mashed bananas. Oh boy...

Laura is looking forward to a real Thanksgiving dinner this year - complete with anything that has dairy, chocolate and eggs. If Kyle is off breast milk completely by then, it should not be a problem.

Teeth appear!

2009-08-30T16:16:00.002-04:00

Just when we thought we had a moment to chill - little Kyle shows us two pearly white little ones this afternoon. My oh My! Helps to explain some of the 'above & beyond' fussiness he's been doing lately. He seems pretty uncomfortable and I can only imagine how it must feel. Tonight I'll show him how to floss...

Laura is already thinking about letting go of breast feeding. Who can blame her? That would be quite the "Ouch!"

First meal with a spoon

2009-08-26T08:11:00.003-04:00

Today we marked a significant transition - Kyle had his first solid food. Well, as solid as you can get with rice cereal. Still, it was quite the feat. As you can imagine, he wore most of it but some of the cereal ended up where it was intended and he yapped for more (can't think of another way to describe Kyle's new sound).

We'll try this for a while and then move on to other colors: green (Avocado) and then orange (Sweet potato). Never thought I'd be designing meals around colors.

Friendly visit

2009-08-24T20:50:00.002-04:00

This is my oldest friend, Ernie. We have the sort of relationship that transcends time - meaning that we can go for a year (or more) without any contact, then pick right up where we left off...We've seen a lot together. Here's some trivia - we were born 3 days apart, which in and of itself is not so interesting, but it comes up a lot when we're together, so what the heck...

Ernie has 4 children, some of whom are already in college and his youngest is 10 (I think) - a veritable fountain of wisdom when it comes to parenting. I have a feeling that we won't wait a year before connecting again!

First vacation in 8 months

2009-08-24T20:38:00.003-04:00

Laura, Kyle and I went to visit with my sister, Melissa, last weekend. It was the first time that we did an overnight away from our house since Kyle left the hospital. Plus, it was a first getaway for Laura and me since December, '08.

We visited an old stomping ground, The Press Room, and did a stroll by the water. Everything went fine until Kyle showed signs of dehydration, so we took off right away for cooler places. Kyle seems to enjoy traveling and does really well with new places and faces.

Complete family photo

2009-08-16T21:36:00.005-04:00

Laura, Kyle and I went to visit with my sister, Melissa. It was our first getaway with Kyle - 3 whole days without a bunch of plans. Then again, what good is a plan when you've got a baby?

It's amazing how much fun it is, however, to do absolutely nothing except play with Kyle and listen for new sounds to emerge. Kyle had his first bath in a kitchen sink.

Melissa is quite the aunt - many thanks for the space to visit.

Limit-setting

2009-08-10T20:17:00.009-04:00

This post is dedicated to my Aunt Ruth whose no-nonsense approach to parenting is welcomed with all my heart. I love you dearly.

Kyle has been testing limits lately. Makes total sense - flexing his social muscles.

Generally speaking, we are able to distinguish when Kyle is in some form of distress (hungry, wet, tired, etc.) and when he is just being a fussy-butt.

Sometimes Kyle, in true fussy-butt fashion, cries to be picked up...Once picked up, Kyle continues to cry until we stand up...Once standing, he settles down, smiles and all seems well with the world. That is fine, except when Laura and I are in the middle of dinner. We are growing concerned that, without some limit setting, Kyle is well on his way to becoming a spoiled young boy. Laura and I want to nip this in the bud...

So, we are going to try to apply some good ole fashioned behavioral learning theory. When Kyle is in fussy-butt mode, we'll hold him as usual. However, if he continues to cry (apparently in order for us to stand up), we'll continue to sit there and let him cry it out. We'll see what happens...At night, we'll continue to give Kyle a few minutes to soothe himself before stepping in.

Sensorimotor Intelligence

2009-08-04T19:22:00.003-04:00

Laura and I have been trying to teach Kyle about clapping. He's not getting it yet, but here's the cool thing: Everytime we model clapping or some other gesture, he watches us for a moment, and then sucks on his hands. It's like he is trying to figure things out through his mouth. That is so interesting!

It's like his mouth and hands are the portal to knowing about the world. Maybe it's also grounding or soothing for Kyle to suck on his fingers. He does seem to chill out...

A first!

2009-08-02T16:33:00.002-04:00

Kyle picked up a toy. Wow! An incredible move - first time he held something.

Here we go again....?

2009-07-27T13:25:00.005-04:00

We discovered the hard way this weekend that Kyle's tummy is still reacting poorly to something in the world. Bloody diapers and eczema flare-up... Our doc suggested that Kyle is either also allergic to fish or to the hypoallergenic formula we have been using (as a supplement).

It is hard to imagine that a baby could be allergic to hypoallergenic formula. However, according to our doc, it is possible but quite rare. So, we were given an alternative formula to try first and we were also given some hypo-hypo-allergenic formula. Apparently this stuff has no taste at all and is pure amino acids. Hope that we don't have to use it, but I am grateful that it is available.

We were hoping to supplement so give Laura could have a break from all the pumping and feedings. The good news is that Kyle continues to gain weight and seems in better spirits - especially since the eczema is clearing up.

I am also feeling more relaxed and comfortable being in public with Kyle. For their part, people are more friendly and engaging with Kyle - especially now that he looks better. Sad but true...

So far...

2009-07-23T22:49:00.004-04:00

Kyle continues to be my greatest teacher. He shows Laura and I what is important and what can be left on the long list of things that don't add up to anything.

Sometimes I can stare at Kyle for what seems like hours and then there are other times it is hard for me to look at Kyle for more than a few seconds. My story is that he brings me so close to my own heart-space that it overwhelms me.

Kyle is laughing a lot now too - more like giggling. He seems to especially like my silly sounds...Good thing, endless supply for the little guy.

Now that's more like it...

2009-07-22T09:52:00.006-04:00

Last week we visited a skin doc to see whether there was something more that we could do for Kyle's Ezcema. We decided to put Kyle on a regimen of two steroids. We figured that, given his skin infection, we were simply out of options.

It's been about 4 days and Kyle's skin looks better! It's like he is a new baby - skin the way you imagine it should look like...Plus his disposition has improved immensely - I can't imagine how uncomfortable Kyle must have been with the itchiness...He used to cry himself to sleep. Those were tough nights!

We are also giving Kyle some hypoallergenic formulae as a supplement. The good news is that the supplement takes longer to digest and, therefore, Kyle sleeps longer. The bad news is that his poops really smell now. Small price to pay for a decent night's sleep...

Kyle's First Wedding

2009-07-15T20:26:00.006-04:00

Kyle (and the rest of us for that matter) had quite the surprise at our friends' 25th anniversary party; they got married! About half-way through the party a bag-pipe player emerged and walked Mac and Doug down the proverbial aisle (lawn). Hoops and hollars filled the air as they finished their vows. Nice job...

For his part, Kyle was elegantly dressed in a white diaper and t-shirt - dressed about as formally as everybody else.

Ritual in the making...

2009-07-14T11:51:00.005-04:00

Kyle and I have begun to take time in the morning to enjoy a fine cup of coffee by a fountain in a small park in the center of town. It gives Laura a break at home so that she can get some much-needed work done.

Kyle seems especially drawn to the water spout - he will stare at it for quite a while and sometimes gets fussy if we leave too (soon before he gets his fill). Babies and water - gotta love it...

A Meeting of Souls

2009-07-10T16:18:00.004-04:00

Here is the amazing Tim - home builder extraordinaire and keeper of the way. Besides building our house, he has provided soulful connection to me for many years in various settings.

As a master craftsman, Tim has this uncanny ability to see a home project before it materializes - he took so many liberties with our blueprints that Laura and I often thought that we were living in Tim's space. Still, he kept true to our original intentions - a home which supports connection and awakening.

What was most striking is the way that Kyle connects with Tim. Usually, Kyle is uncomfortable being picked up by anyone other than Laura or me. He may get used to someone else's arms, but not initially. But he took to Tim (and vice versa) right away - giggles, etc.

A new sleep record!

2009-07-08T06:46:00.008-04:00

Last night Kyle slept for almost 5 hours. Yippee! Laura and I would have slept the whole time too, except for the thunderstorm that woke us around 12:30. Now Laura and I are smart enough to not jinx ourselves by calling it a pattern or trend, but we'll take an extended quiet Kyle night any time - still, it's nice to not see the world fully cross-eyed for once in the morning.

Today we have an appointment with a Naturopathic physician to try and help us out with Kyle's Eczema. She thinks that we can actually do something about his skin and his apparent itchiness - a much better story than our regular MD who is convinced that there is not much we can do about it, other than to put him on steroids (no thanks!). More shall be revealed...

Rollin and Reelin...

2009-07-06T07:23:00.004-04:00

Kyle now turns over onto his tummy almost as soon as we lay him down in his crib. Ok, but then he can't seem to turn himself over again onto his back - this frustrates him to no end. Frustrates? You know, cries, whines, and produces sounds that most people would not pay to hear.

We've been continuing to read the Sears baby book, and it says that babies should sleep on their backs. So what does this mean for us? It means checking up on Kyle every few minutes to ensure that he's breathing. Obsessed? Oh yeah... Once Kyle is in deep sleep, we turn him over onto his back and, if we're lucky, he just stays in snooze land. Otherwise, he makes more unpleasant sounds and then we start the cycle over again...

Oh, what a night...

2009-07-02T08:42:00.008-04:00

What does Kyle do when he sees a camera pointed his way? The picture says it all...

At 4:30 this morning, Laura, Kyle and I were cramped into a small bathroom. How small was it; you have to go out of it to change your mind (not sure where I first heard that line, but I like it).

Anyway, we were running the tap water to try to calm Kyle down who was crying rather profoundly (learned the water routine from a Youtube video). On top of it all, poor Laura had a stomach bug that could not be ignored...

I am certain that every parent has similar stories and that as Kyle gets older, these memories will fade. Well, I don't want to forget these nights - they're part of the journey. We even managed to laugh about it...Today's gonna be a long day.........Got a sweat scheduled for tonight - barring a hurricane or other seismic anomoly...I need this!

Cribbing - as if we really mean it!

2009-06-28T19:57:00.003-04:00

You've got to know when it's time to stick to your plan and when it's time to flex. Kyle's been napping in his crib for about a week now. Generally speaking, things are going fine and Kyle can self-soothe a bit and chill himself to sleep.

However, recently Kyle's eczema has flared up dramatically and he's in a constant state of itch and red skin. Last night Laura and I broke from our plans and decided to let Kyle sleep in our bed with us...Bad parent move...I know all about the importance of being consistent. I feel hypocritical because I often coach parents about the importance of remaining consistent.

I am noticing my need to defend my goodness around our decision. Still, we were just miserable watching Kyle try to scratch himself constantly and wind up with all kinds of scratch marks on his arms and legs. We've even tried mittens... Ok, I have learned that sometimes you've just got to flex and everyone has to find his or her own way through the parent maze...

Sadly, I am also aware that I feel really defensive around Kyle's physical condition in public. When people see Kyle up close and notice his puffy, infected skin, they tend to recoil and move away quickly. Their responses may be subtle, but they are also palpable. Laura and I have started introducing Kyle by immediately pointing out his skin condition to try to deflate the situation - but it makes me feel reall guilty. I don't even want to post a recent pic of Kyle here because I feel ashamed of how he's looking now.

Kyle and dad take a hike...

2009-06-27T14:05:00.004-04:00

Laura needed to get some work done, so Kyle and I decided to take a hike in a local park. Father and son time...We had a good hike - well, I had a good time - Kyle slept through the whole thing. After about 30 minutes he was so limp in his carrier pouch that I decided to head home (also thought it might be wise to avoid potential thumpers!).

We got home and Kyle was still sleeping soundly. I put him down in his crib and he proceded to start crying (wailing?) in about 30 seconds...Oh well - I admire is attentiveness to detail and awareness of changes...How's that for a positive reframe.? Also, we avoided the rain...Not too shabby...

More tasks, Less engagement

2009-06-25T22:33:00.010-04:00

Today I learned a powerful lesson that is continuing to resonate. I'm still trying to get clear about the meanings, but this is what I am taking away thus far:

Children are the best (or most popular) way for couples to distract themselves from intimacy. In effect, we have become hostage to Kyle's many needs and he essentially rules the nest. I have surrendered to this path willingly with as much love as I can offer - but our world revolves around Kyle.

Kyle certainly has many needs and Laura and I do our best to meet them. But not at the expense of us! I feel like Laura and I have begun to walk down a path that has beguiled many parents before us; life becomes soley about tending to the children, at the expense of the couple. We are depleted and have little, if any, energy for each other. This must change - balance is key.

The dynamic of our family rests on Laura and me. Not Kyle and Laura. Not Kyle and me. Not Kyle, Laura, and me (at least not now). Laura and I need to be the rock in this family and that constellation needs to run this household. This weekend I will arrange for someone to take care of Kyle for 2 hours so that Laura and I can have a date. We need our time together to nurture what got us here in the first place.

Here's the interesting paradox. Among Kyle's essential needs, he also needs for Laura and I to be bonded as a strong unit. What makes a child feel safe is knowing that his parents (or other caretakers) are there, together. This is an essential foundation of security. If we are all about taking care of Kyle, at the expense of our relationship, there won't be security for anyone.

Been there, done that...

2009-06-25T06:29:00.004-04:00

So Kyle has outgrown his first book. He used to love looking at the pictures in "What Does Baby See?" For the past few days, however, I have shown him this book and he barely notices the pages before looking away. Sometimes he throws in a yawn to emphasize his point. His new fascination is the Baby Face's "Peek-a-Boo!" series. What's next? Dr. Seuss? National Geographic? Ouspensky?

First Father's Day

2009-06-21T12:11:00.005-04:00

For a guy who spent his life doing anything and everything he could to avoid becoming a parent, I must acknowledge how special today is for me. As much as I avoided the responsibilities in the past, I can't even imagine my life now without Kyle. Life certainly changes us, as long as we remain open to its possibilities.

I am thinking about my own dad today - He passed away at age 70 in 1995. From the time I was in my early 20s until his death, he used to mention his wish for me to become a father. Perhaps he knew something about the transition to parenthood that I simply could neither appreciate nor trust during his lifetime.

Now, I would give most anything to be able to introduce my dad to his grandson, Kyle. I do not know much (Kyle has made me realize this all too often), but I like to tell myself that dad is watching over us and is smiling. Comfort apparently comes in all shapes and sizes...

Relationship transitions

2009-06-19T13:01:00.006-04:00

Kyle has been, and continues to be, a wonderful addition to our lives. Still, his presence has meant significant changes to our family and the ways in which we relate to each other. With any significant change in a group, I believe that it is important to ask these questions:

Who am I now in this group?
Who are you now in this group?
Who are we as a group?

No answers yet - just wonderment. An ever-changing posture...More shall be revealed.

Kyle's First Concert

2009-06-16T11:56:00.010-04:00

On Sunday, Laura, Kyle, and I went to Holcolm Farm to visit with some friends and listen to one of our favorite bands, The McLovins. They are a group of three guys who play R&B, Phish-esque, and originals with as much passion as you can imagine and possibly even muster. Amazing talent! Between the horses and the tunes, it was quite an experience - for his part, Kyle slept through most of it but managed to wake up for the solos. A pure treat...

Who is leading whom?

2009-06-15T22:09:00.004-04:00

I was talking with my friend, Brian, today - someone who has several children and is now a grandfather to several more. He reminded me that for the first year or so, we don't have children - they have us. I really like this perspective - it is comforting because the pressure is off about thinking that we can figure it out and keep Kyle to a schedule.

For the nay-sayers among you, I will add that it is also impossible to spoil a child in the first 6 months. Relax in to the experience...Feels right, at least now (so easy to say this since I got about 7 hours of sleep yesterday!). We'll see how I feel after a sleepless night - funny how the world tends to shift after that...

In Stride...

2009-06-13T21:31:00.008-04:00

McKie is one of our cats and has been with us for about 4 years. Unequivocally devoted to Laura, he often follows her around like a pup; I would go so far as to say that, in the department of obsessed relationships, McKie is the living incarnate of obsessively possessive.

We were initially worried that McKie would be jealous of Kyle and that he might behave aggressively toward him. Fortunately, McKie has apparently decided that Kyle is simply part of the clan and should be left alone. That is good - as a PETA supporter, it would have been sad to banish McKie to life elsewhere (this is a joke, mostly...)

Self Soothing

2009-06-09T08:41:00.008-04:00

Babies, like the rest of us, have needs. As we get older we learn (hopefully) how to take care of meeting many of our own needs. However, for babies, it is critical that these needs be met by others, at least initially. If we insist that Kyle learn how to manage his own needs or self-soothe at this point in his development, then he'll miss out on an important developmental lesson - "I can count on others." There is time for balance and managing self-care - but I don't think it's now.

Moreover, according to child development specialist, Dr. Sears, babies first need be able to bond to people before they bond to things. I agree; if anyone deserve to have needs, it should be babies. If parents won't fulfill those needs, then who will fill them? What will babies do with needs that went unmet during infancy...

Once babies realize that they can count on others to meet their needs, then maybe they'll extend this learning to a toy or something else which provides comfort (a spin-off on Object Relations theory). From here, the hope is that babies will then integrate this learning as a part of their psyche by learning how to sooth themselves. The essential point, however, is that babies cannot get to the second or third place place without having gone through the first step.

Peaceful moment...

2009-06-08T10:11:00.009-04:00

Cider House Rules was on this morning -a film about an orphanage in the backwoods of Maine, run by a kindly doctor who wanted to make a difference. When potential parents visit, the kids try hard to look good in the hopes that they would be adopted. Touching story...I imagine that people who make films like this understand the power of such imagery...

Had a good day - teaching and now some chilling with a hefty cat in my lap. Not too shabby.

It is nice to think about something besides diapers and feeding schedules...Enjoy the moment...

First date in months...

2009-06-07T21:22:00.005-04:00

Laura and I had a date! Julie, Laura's friend, offered to watch Kyle for about 3 hours so that we could have some much-needed alone time. It would have been smart for us to figure out, ahead of time, what we were going to do. However, the only plan that we considered was to drive to a park and then take a nap under a tree. Mr. Romance at his finest...

Anyway, we just dropped Kyle off at Julie's and drove into the city, sans plan. Laura and I figured that we'd have dinner, but had no idea where. We wound up at Hot Tomatos and had a great time - you'd be amazed at how hard it is to find anything to eat that has does not have dairy or soy! Gratefully, they pulled something together for us and it was fine.

Afterwards, we walked through the city park and then picked up some furniture that we'd put on layaway. Sort of a practical relaxing date. We got back to Julie's and snagged the little fella. Julie had warned us in advance that if we brought her a gift, she would not babysit Kyle again. She got nothing...such gratitude for friends.

Lights and fans...

2009-06-05T20:11:00.008-04:00

When Kyle gets really fussy, one reliable way to calm him down is to put him in front of a ceiling light or fan. Don't know what it is about them, but they do the trick. Kyle just stares and, sooner than later, nods off...

Moreover, if Laura and I rub his belly or talk to him in these moments, it revs Kyle up and he just gets more fussy. The trick is to let him cry his way through it. That is so hard for us! Sometimes, Kyle chews on his hand and that seems to sooth him too...

The more Kyle learns about meeting his own needs, the better...Someday that knowing may put Laua and I up against our own needs to be Kyle's caretaker, but for now, it's easy...

Position matters...

2009-06-04T09:08:00.009-04:00

I learned that if I hold Kyle in a reclining position, with his head above his chest, he can actually eat quite well...Plus he seems to be a lot more comfortable this way...That makes two of us!

It sure is nice to discover what most of the parent world has known for as long as babies have been feeding...Kyle is quite the teacher.

Here's the best part - while I was burping him on my shoulder, Kyle spit up in my ear...I am all for sharing...but there's gotta be some limits.

Still, he still gets really fussy times after some feedings. I think that it's related to the Colitis.

Here's a question - do we let Kyle cry it out or try to comfort him? A friend suggested that if Laura and I always comfort, then Kyle won't learn about self-soothing. From this vantage point, in the act of loving Kyle, we are depriving him of some valuable lessons. I can imagine how that is true - yet between the surgeries and the Colitis, I think that he's been through enough. Laura and I just want to comfort him. Are we depriving Kyle of learning how to self-soothe? Jury is still out on that one...

Big First!

2009-06-03T13:16:00.004-04:00

Today Kyle lifted his head off the floor - no cranes, wires, or cafe latte... It was really cool to watch him hold himself up like that - when he was finally done, he plopped his head right down to the blanket...No TBI I trust. Looking back on earlier posts, I am amazed at how far Kyle has come.

He seems to enjoy the head-lifting too...Lots of cooing and, well, whatever comes along with cooing...

It is so tough to simply enjoy these moment when we think about all the changes that are to come. But I tell you, I am happy with this one. Yeah for Kyle!

There's always something...

2009-05-29T22:44:00.010-04:00

Laura noticed some small traces of blood in Kyle's stool and called our doc. She met with us a few hours later, examined Kyle, reviewed Laura's diet, and then informed us that Kyle has Colitis.

She thinks that Kyle is both Lactose intolerant and allergic to Soy products. He may be gaining weight, but his colon is inflamed. We had no idea that Laura's diet was harming Kyle, apparently from birth - we assumed that Kyle's after-meal fussiness was simply due to him being... well..himself.

Our doc must have read our faces and saw something that inspired her to emphasize that Kyle's condition is totally fixable...We just have to be really careful with what Laura eats. Still, we felt awful.

Laura is committed to breast feeding and I totally support her continuing this practice. If it were entirely up to me, I would use some formulae and give Laura a chance to chill a bit and, more importantly, to enjoy some chocolate. But it is not up to me - Laura's vote is sine qua non.

This is, however, going to mean a massive change in Laura's diet - no more of "anything" that has traces of milk or soy products. Do you have any idea how many food products have these ingredients? After reading labels on everything that we typically buy at Whole Foods and Stop&Shop, we realized that there are more products which have these ingredients than products that don't. Let's just hope that we won't have to remove Wheat as well...

Actually, this situation presents an amazing opportunity to create a more healthy eating regimen. When I can frame our situation like this, I like it alot... Rationalization? ....perhaps.
Still, it is what happens to us that matter so much, as it is how we deal with what happens to us...

Whose life (again)

2009-05-28T08:14:00.007-04:00

I avoided parenthood for many years and never knew why until recently. I used to think that it was because of the massive responsibilities, the anticipation of sleep deprivation, and the thought of permanent changes in my lifestyle. Certainly those are valid considerations, and having Kyle has meant significant changes in life and in my connection with Laura. However, while these issues are important, I am getting clearer about what was really going on for me.

When I look into Kyle's eyes, I sometimes see (or project) myself. I imagine into what life was like for me at that time - from what I know, it was not always pretty. There were things going on for my parents that made our lives difficult and stressful.

I have to keep working at separating my early life experiences from Kyle's - meaning that Kyle's life is vastly different from the life I had at his age. As I mentioned in an earlier post, Kyle is not here for me to do my life over again. Maybe there is some healing to be done here. That is fine, but it's first and foremost about taking care of Kyle - if I get something out of it, fine, but it is not about me.

Here is a mantra: I heal by loving the parts of me that I recognize in you...

For now, a Satori moment - peaceful and quiet...Breathe...

Kyle is sleeping soundly...We are going to try the bottle again at noon! Who know, it might clear up later...maybe a walk in the park. Yeah!

Back to work mom

2009-05-27T10:53:00.003-04:00

Laura returned to work yesterday after 8 weeks of maternity leave. We are blessed that Laura had that much time off - yet, in some ways, it was difficult for her to go back. I say in some ways because as much as it was difficult, it was also really good for Laura to think about something different besides food, diapers, and poop.

However, Kyle has been unable to feed from a bottle since his surgeries - so we will visit Laura at her job so that Kyle can eat. On her first day back to work everything stopped and Laura's staff visited with Kyle and went "Ga Ga" (is that a word?) over him. The good news at this point is that Laura will be working half-days this week so we only have to go there once during the morning.

Once she returns full-time, we will either have to visit Laura at least 3 times a day (not very convenient), or get Kyle to use his bottle for feeding. We will try again on Friday to introduce the bottle and see whether Kyle can adapt to it.

Friends visit

2009-05-26T09:16:00.004-04:00

We had quite the treat this past weekend - a visit from Paige, Tim, Benjamin, and Saul. Given his many smiles, it seemed that Kyle enjoyed the company. He made nary a peep, although Kyle kept a watchful eye over all.

Benjamin seemed particularly interested in Kyle's hands and kept playing with his fingers. Babies, it seems, are magnets for attention - all it takes is a smile and they'll keep you hooked in.

I am addicted to Kyle's smiles - I won't leave for work until I get at least a grin (kind of tough when he's in REM sleep).

Anniversary

2009-05-25T19:42:00.004-04:00

Laura and I celebrated our wedding anniversary today with an annual ritual of redoing our vows where we got married. This time we got to have Kyle join in the ceremony. So much gratitude for the joys and the challenges that go along with them. Very sweet time.

Shots...

2009-05-23T07:36:00.005-04:00

Kyle had his first series of shots - DTaP, HBV, and MMR... He did ok; got a little feverish last night and threw us a few projectiles. could have been a lot worse, so no complaints.

I undestand that some parents choose to not have their kids inonculated from many diseases. We thought about following suit, but then in the end, decided to get Kyle his shots. Part of our decision was the influence of my Aunt Ruth who used to be a nurse during the Second World War. She has seen the devastation of the diseases that these shots prevent. She is all in favor of getting shots! In the end, we agreed...

Like Kyle's surgeries, the most difficult part for Laura and me has been standing by helplessly as Kyle endures whatever comes his way. I can't prevent Kyle from having his pain, but that knowing does little to make it any easier when he gets upset. There is also the perspective that, in the long run, Kyle will be better off. Still, I know enough about Rationalization to get it that we are more about protecting ourselves in these moments. Still, it brings me right to my edge about helplessness.

Second clipping

2009-05-21T15:30:00.009-04:00

Yesterday Kyle had a second clipping to extend the work of the first attempt. In general it went fine, except that a vein was severed which led to a lot of bleeding (our doc ended up cauterizing Kyle's incision). Since the procedure Kyle has been feeding more comfortably and you can see his mouth and jaw working differently. Moreover, Laura is more comfortable - and a happy Laura is a really good thing!

Last night for the first time since Kyle was born, I slept in a different room from about 10:00 until 5:00. Laura and I recognized that I had hit the proverbial wall and was simply not myself - patience had run out and I felt totally disorganized and exhausted. With such sleep deprivation - hallucinations surely were not far behind.

I was feeling guilty about not sleeping with Laura (and Kyle), but there was nothing left in my energy reserves. Honestly, I got my first real night's sleep since Kyle's birth! During the day Laura has been able to nap when Kyle is sleeping, but I returned to work immediately after Kyle was born, so there have been no naps during the day (at least intentional ones) and my REM sleep has been cut to nil.

We'll see what happens tonight...A little Rescue Remedy and some Arnica for Kyle and we are good to go...

Chillin

2009-05-15T09:01:00.005-04:00

We had a great morning. Fed Kyle at about 5:00 and then slept until almost 7:00. Look out Rip! The world seems a lot better with a bit of shut-eye. Kyle weighs 11 lbs now! Quite the leap from 6 lb. 12 oz. at birth.

It is harder for us to notice the development - just like watching a clock (only different). The only change that jumps out are the wrinkles on his hands and fingerprints. Other than that, he's still the little peanut.

A question of timing

2009-05-14T08:08:00.003-04:00

When Kyle is getting fussy, Laura and I tend to rush in and take care of him (much sooner than later). I know that at some point Kyle will need to provide some comfort for himself and that our continued efforts to take care of him prevent Kyle from learning the art of self-care.

At what age do you begin to not step in? At what stage in the emotional spectrum do you intervene? What does stepping in look like? Great questions - with as many opinions as there are people who offer them. I suppose that we will continue to stumble and figure it all out as we go along.

The wisdom that we've garnered thus far is this: Until Kyle is 6 months (or so) old, he does not have the tools to do much self-soothing. Hence, we will continue to rush in to comfort. I like that - feels much more appropriate, given where Kyle is at these days. Moreover, he has another Tongue Tie procedure coming up on Wednesday, so we're really wanting to limit the amount of stressors in his life.

Kyle is my teacher...

2009-05-12T07:52:00.003-04:00

Kyle is teaching us a lot about longing. What we're missing at this point is a sense of pattern or schedule. Just when Laura and I think that we have figured out his routine, he goes and changes on us. Yes, trust the process...Still, that wisdom only goes so far in the wee morning hours. How to comfort a fussy baby at midnight?

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T16:02:00.002-04:00

The thing that I hate about Mother's Day, Father's Day, and the like is this: one day out of the year celebrate (as a society) our gratitude for moms and dads...What about the other 364 days?

I am watching Laura with Kyle and her patience astonishes me to my core. Whereas I am all about using a pacifier to chill Kyle out during fussy time, Laura is able to just be with him and his frustration without doing anything nifty to fix it. I never knew such patience existed for Laura; it is as if there was a dormant gene that came alive when our baby arrived. Whatever the reason, I am grateful for Laura and her gifts.

On his own (sort of...)

2009-05-08T08:09:00.003-04:00

So many changes...The past few nights Kyle has been sleeping in his bassinet. We think that this is a permanent move - that is, not sleeping with us any longer.

It was a tough move for Laura and me - we got used to the little guy sleeping with us. But here's the thing - as much as we loved sleeping with Kyle (or rather, having him sleep with us), we really didn't sleep well when we were all in bed (never heard of a case where a parent rolled onto a baby, but we'd be the first). Plus, with all that sleep deprivation, it has been hard to decipher his cries, wants, and needs...Ok, so we'll re-write this part of the 'how to' manual.

Maybe we better start checking out colleges...Ok, maybe that's a bit over the top. How about we finish painting his room first...